conundrum



CONUNDRUM:  A confusing and difficult problem or question.

CONUNDRUM:  The confusing and difficult position every working mother finds themselves in while attempting to manage a career and still be a dedicated, attentive, and loving mother to her children.

I seem to pass through this ‘phase’ at least once a year.  This phase is typically brought on by being sleep deprived from putting in too many late night hours of work.  It includes losing my patience with my children,  and having a strong desire to redefine my purpose.  I feel overwhelmed, and most of all inadequate.  Kind of like doing everything ‘half-assed.’  I don’t like it.

A mother’s  job isn’t easily switched off.  Who am I kidding…there is no off switch.  There are constant needs and requirements.  Even when we attempt to focus solely on work, in the back of our minds there are the nagging thoughts that persist:

‘Got to remember to get the football physical turned in.’
‘Don’t forget to pick up six gallons of milk some time today.’
‘Crap…I forgot to switch that load of laundry.’
‘I wonder if he wiped well enough when he went to the bathroom.’
‘I forgot to call his teacher back.’
‘Wonder when we are going to fit the time in for homework afterschool and before soccer.’
‘She seemed so tired this morning when I woke her up for school. Hope she is doing okay.’
‘I wish we wouldn’t have lost her blankie.’
‘I have to work with him on his letters and numbers.’
‘Why didn’t I think about dinner before 5:30?’

The continuous stream of thoughts must eat up a significant amount of brain power.   I currently do not have enough RAM.

Now what makes things really difficult is trying to work from home in the summer!  It never goes away.  It is aways where you leave it…right there like a giant turd sitting on the desk.  There is something to be said about clocking in and clocking out!  And conference calls inbetween games of hide-n-seek is insane.  Thank goodness for the mute button.

Perhaps this isn’t a phase but the start of a midlife crisis of sorts.  I feel forty coming at me like a freight train.  Maybe I am suppose to figure out what to give up as I officially enter my midlife years.

2 Responses to “conundrum”

  1. Lisa Says:

    OHHH tif I feel you!! I know your demands are a little greater but I know that conundrum well!! love and miss you

  2. Molly Logan Anderson Says:

    I don’t think it’s “what to give up”, but instead where you choose to focus your spectacular energies in the future. As a mom of four with at least three gigs, you move mountains every day. Shouldn’t the gift of mid-life be about having the wisdom to choose the things that allow you to go with the flow of your life (instead of against it?)

    You’re amazing and life is a challenge every minute! Hang in and hold on! Those of us on the same ride will get each other through…

    Love you.

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