92 and stubborn

Nine’s death has sent our family reeling. I can only hope that the damage is repaired someday. Nine would be devastated. I hope that the grief and anger will fade into respect for family again.

But more important matters are at hand. We have collectively been working very hard at getting my 92-year old grandfather moved to Indianapolis considering there are six of us here that can fill the enormous role Nine was filling. She was the primary caretaker for him even though he resides in an Independent Living Facility.

When we discussed the idea with him, he seemed in favor of it. Unfortunately, since we have departed he has dug in his heels. We have been literally pounding the pavement looking for just the right spot for him. We found it. So, we put a transfer plan in motion only to get slammed by our 92-year old stubborn head of the family.

We understand his reservations. He is extremely sad and depressed, grieving for his lost daughter and best buddy. But keeping him there worries us considerably. Here is a letter I faxed to him last night.

“Grandpa – Here is what I know…Caroline would be devastated if she knew you planned to remain at Independence Village knowing that you have family that want to care for you, spend time with you, and have found you a wonderful place for you to live within just 2-5 miles of them. Caroline would tell you the best place for you to reside is Indianapolis. Without question.

So I encourage you to pray tonight. I encourage you to ask God for the right answer. Maybe you need a sign. Take this as a sign…we are all working in your best interests. We love you. We want you to remain at the center of our lives until your time is done. Give us that blessing.

The answer isn’t just fading away. The answer isn’t sitting in your room. It isn’t dying before you time.

Caroline was an incredible force for all of us. She was our best friend. Our confidant. Our comedian. Our rock. Our connection to all old stories. She is irreplaceable.

We do not intend to replace her good deeds. We do not intend to replace her memory. We want to build new ones.

Make the decision to move here. Don’t be reluctant about it. Be positive about it because we are. Think of this as a great, new adventure at nearly 92 years old.

With deep love and respect, Tiffany”

Please send good thoughts are way…that he will soon make a decision that will benefit us all soon, namely him!

2 Responses to “92 and stubborn”

  1. John Davenport Says:

    Tiffany, You must walk a mile in your grandfather’s shoes to understand it isn’t about being stubborn, as Caroline once referred to him in that way, in one of our many conversations. I corrected her then as I will here: ” it is all about control”. A major concern of our older generation is that they don’t have any say in their families lives anymore and that is certainly compounded by his loss. The changing of his mind is his way of having some control back. He wants to be sure you have the “savy” that his only daughter had, before he comes to live in your neck of the woods. I congratulate you, as your letter to him is the correct approach. Like I said previously, you got all the tools, now “get her done”! John D.

  2. susan Says:

    Prayers coming your way!

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