Aunt Nine left us two years ago. I woke up. Read some prior posts about her. Spoke with my uncle and her children.

So I was simply amazed when I walked into the kitchen to see her prism casting the most beautiful rainbow. We haven’t seen one since the first of Spring. Nothing is a coincidence.

CONUNDRUM:  A confusing and difficult problem or question.

CONUNDRUM:  The confusing and difficult position every working mother finds themselves in while attempting to manage a career and still be a dedicated, attentive, and loving mother to her children.

I seem to pass through this ‘phase’ at least once a year.  This phase is typically brought on by being sleep deprived from putting in too many late night hours of work.  It includes losing my patience with my children,  and having a strong desire to redefine my purpose.  I feel overwhelmed, and most of all inadequate.  Kind of like doing everything ‘half-assed.’  I don’t like it.

A mother’s  job isn’t easily switched off.  Who am I kidding…there is no off switch.  There are constant needs and requirements.  Even when we attempt to focus solely on work, in the back of our minds there are the nagging thoughts that persist:

‘Got to remember to get the football physical turned in.’
‘Don’t forget to pick up six gallons of milk some time today.’
‘Crap…I forgot to switch that load of laundry.’
‘I wonder if he wiped well enough when he went to the bathroom.’
‘I forgot to call his teacher back.’
‘Wonder when we are going to fit the time in for homework afterschool and before soccer.’
‘She seemed so tired this morning when I woke her up for school. Hope she is doing okay.’
‘I wish we wouldn’t have lost her blankie.’
‘I have to work with him on his letters and numbers.’
‘Why didn’t I think about dinner before 5:30?’

The continuous stream of thoughts must eat up a significant amount of brain power.   I currently do not have enough RAM.

Now what makes things really difficult is trying to work from home in the summer!  It never goes away.  It is aways where you leave it…right there like a giant turd sitting on the desk.  There is something to be said about clocking in and clocking out!  And conference calls inbetween games of hide-n-seek is insane.  Thank goodness for the mute button.

Perhaps this isn’t a phase but the start of a midlife crisis of sorts.  I feel forty coming at me like a freight train.  Maybe I am suppose to figure out what to give up as I officially enter my midlife years.

Briggs did everything I would have hoped when we dropped him off for his first week of summer camp.  Yet, I let a few tears drop as he walked away.

He was oozing with excitement and confidence upon arrival…especially as he met up with his buddy, Carson.

He didn’t ask us a single question.  He introduced himself to the counselors.  He didn’t look back.  Heck, he hardly even cared to say goodbye to any of us.

He and Carson have been waiting for this camp experience with great anticipation.

I could not be more excited for him.  Even as I sit here to write this I imagine him grinning at the stories being swapped around the campfire. I imagine him swinging like Tarzan from the rope swing.  I can visualize him stealing a few glances across the lake at a cute girl.

This camp exceeded my expectations 100 percent.  He will likely have the best week he can recall ever having in his first decade.

But I cannot believe my son is old enough to spend a week on his own in the woods.  There have been many signs of his growing age and maturity this summer, this being the pinnacle.

As a parent, I want independence and freedom for him.  And, I want him to feel confident enough to leave us without hesitation.  But as a mommy, I still want to hold him in my lap and need me.

I am perplexed.

It is definitely summertime!

My house is dirtier.  As a whole, we go through even more bulk food than I care to admit.  There is a neverending need for playdates.  Getting the children to bed before 10pm when it is still daylight is impossible.  The fighting has significantly increased.  Our driveway looks like a trailer park littered with scooters, bikes, towels, and sandals. And, bathing has all been forgotten considering there is a daily visit to the pool.  Chlorine is as good as soap, right?

But we have definitely had some HIGHS!

+ Trip to a wolf and coyote sanctuary
+ Two Indians games at Victory Field
+ Annual visit to the Madison Regatta
+ Dwight Freeney Football Camp
+ Princess Camp
+ Zoobilation
+ Tennis, Swim Team and Golf
+ Trip to the Indianapolis Zoo to see the new cheetahs
+ A country fair
+ Waterpark
+ Symphony on the Prairie
+ Girls Day only to see the Cinderella play
+ The Velveteen Rabbit play
+ The High School Musical at the dinner theater
+ Visit from AUNT Audrey
+ Visit from a college friend and her family
+ Visit from COUSIN Mina
+ Grandma’s new kitten…CHARLIE
+ Snowcones, face painting, watermelon, rope swinging and MORE

There has been no shortage of fun.

Note:  Nearly every picture was taken with my iPhone.

Gage.  I love that kid.

I sometimes get sad thinking about him.

He is growing up so quickly.  His time as my baby was so short-lived with the twins arriving twenty months after he was born.

He acts like a big kid.  He hangs out with the big kids.  He connects dots far beyond his age.  He just gets things.  Yet, he just melts in my arms whenever I give them out.

He is the one we spend the most time putting to bed.  It is like Gage time.  He always gets a book.  He always gets rubbed.  And, Tim dozes into dreamland with him nearly every night.  Maybe Tim and I both have a need to make up for lost-baby-time with him.

Like a second child, he hasn’t had the major exposure to the camera like Briggs did for every sporting event.  So, I made it a point to catch a few shots of him before the T-Ball season ended.

Gage.  I love that kid.

Three special people share July 7th as their birthday…Emerson, Campbell, and Aunt Nine.  The twins are FOUR which is hard to believe.  And, one…we will always remember.

About once a year I feel compelled to post ANOTHER pet peeve.  I think it is a sign of aging.

This one has itched me like sand inbetween my toes for awhile but irritated me even more given the Fourth of July holiday.

During our trip to the Madison Regatta (gotta Regatta!), I took the opportunity to run the annual 10K from the hilltop to the picturesque downtown.  It was a great run.  It is worth doing just for the scenery.

Like most sporting events, it began with “The Star Spangled Banner.”  Herein lies my pet peeve.

When did we stop signing along?  And more importantly, when did we stop putting our hands over our hearts?

I know my Aunt Caroline would belt out a tune anytime the opportunity arose but shouldn’t this be a requirement for all Americans?  Are we so lazy or self-conscious that we no longer sing along to the tune that symbolizes our freedom?

For goodness sakes, place your hand over your heart and sing boldly…especially today.

Bobbi Brown should seriously take my advice and have a secondary offering for her makeup brushes.  Our boys love their faces rubbed so much that we got them each a small (non-Bobbi Brown set) for Christmas.  But now I have created spa-like monsters.  And, it has just elongated the already long bedtime process.  What makes matters even more indulgent is they also like hand massages.  I am thinking I need this type of spa treatment each night.

Remember being bored in the summer?  Oh…it makes me long for childhood.  I cannot remember the last time I used the word bored to describe my feelings.

So, it is with no great surprise that I have heard on a few occasions that the children are bored.

But I love how their creative minds work.

Our four children, along with the other 3-4 that are typically hanging around the house, developed a game called TWILIGHT last week.  Now, Twilight is like music to my ears.  I couldn’t wait to hear more.

Each person playing was a character from the Twilight saga.

BRIGGS = Edward
GAGE = Jacob
CAMPBELL = Bella
EMERSON = Rosalie
WILL = Emmitt
PARKER = Jasper
KRISTEN = Alice
JACK = Sam

The objective was to hide Bella either from the vampires or the werewolves.  Whoever found her won.  Furthermore, they each used their special powers during the search.

It was brilliant.

Oh…to be a kid again.

I appreciate having a job that allows flexibility.  I like being home as Briggs walks off of the school bus.  In fact, I have heard from other mothers that it is even more important as they grow older.

So, toward the end of the school year, Briggs entered the front door looking extremely upset.  His comment, “I had the worst day EVER!” started a series of machine-gun questions from me.  Were you teased?  Did you get a bad grade?  Are you sick?

Soon I learned that a friend of Briggs had brought an ‘inappropriate magazine’ on the bus.  Our dearest bus driver, Janet, who probably has cyborg eyes quickly figured it out and delivered a swift disciplinary action.   Briggs promised he hadn’t looked at the magazine.  Yeah, right!

Well, my curiosity started to grow.  I know this young boy’s parents quite well.   I am having visions of nasty magazines with gnarly names.

My next question to Briggs was, “What was the magazine called?”

His response nearly made me swallow my tongue in laughter.  I had to stay composed after he said, “Mom, it was an inappropriate girls magazine.  It was called Victoria’s Secret.”

When Tim returned home from work that evening we repeated the happenings.

His response isn’t all that surprising.  ”Hey…those women are beautiful.  In fact, they’re hot!  And if you want to look at the magazine your mom gets it in the mail.  But you got to play by the rules of the school.  You cannot take that kind of stuff on the bus.”

I guess it is beginning.  Our oldest son is growing up.